Day 5 - some of my whys

I won't lie...today I plotted the entire way home about how I could do the least amount of moving and still count it as exercise.  I was almost regretting starting this whole thing.

Then I got on the Dreadmill.  The first 10 minutes were rough.  I told myself that I would just do 15 minutes and I could be done.  Then I got to 15 minutes and said to myself "what's another 5 minutes?"  Then at 20 minutes I realized I could actually go farther than yesterday.  Being the OCD person that I am, I had to make the mileage end on a full lap:  1.75 miles.

Running the whole time.

This smile, while tire looking, is genuine.  Everyday that I move, I am getting closer to my goal.  Everyday that I move, I am getting stronger.

I know I haven't really talked about why I am doing this.  The thing is  am just sick and tired of feeling like less than what I can be as a person.  I'm sick and tired of being disappointed in myself and my lack of commitment, motivation, and follow thru.  I'm sick and tired of feeling unworthy and unattractive.  I don't want to be that sickly old woman who has to depend on others to take care of her.  I want to be that cool grandma who runs marathons.  I want to feel comfortable in my own skin.

And, finally, I want to be around for these guys:

The loves of my life. <3